Holi-Daze

I'm really, really not looking forward to the holidays this year for, well, reasons...but here they are, ready or not. And even though I just started my Christmas shopping yesterday, less than one week away from the holiday itself, I'm still not in the mood. Yet for some reason, this weekend consisted of the Christmas spirit vomiting all over me.

A visit with Santa? Check.

Wrapping presents? Check.

Building a gingerbread village? Check.

Because, you want to know the truth? It's not about me anymore...it's about what I can do for those who come after me. Because they're the ones who will bring the hope and optimism to the future. So if I have to sit through yet another uncomfortable family gathering...so be it. Because...

...and...

...they're going to fix it. If for no other reason than I won't allow them to have anything less than the world has to offer. 

I love you, my sweeties. ❤️

Simplicity

Today was one of those days that, even though it was essentially a good day, completely took the wind out of my sails. What makes that even more difficult is that the entire week has been shaping up the same way....and it's not even Friday (soon, soon, so-very-soon!).

I came home with the desire to do nothing more than lounge mindlessly until I got the motivation to go to bed. (Seriously: it's been an absolutely EXHAUSTING week!) 

After managing to piece together a meal for Grace and get her bathed, I set about my business of lounging when I noticed something pretty great.

My effervescent 3-year old was content to snuggle in, television off and tree lights on, as long as we were together (and she thought the tree's reflection in the glass door was the best light show ever!). After tucking Gracie into bed, I found she wasn't the only one okay with this evening's low key plans.

When I took notice of the calm and serenity settling over my home, I also took notice of my own view a la reclining sofa.

There is nothing fancy or costly or elaborate about tonight. It's dark, calm, and quiet, punctuated with a few more cuddles than normal. 

Sometimes it's the silence that speaks the loudest, and I'm glad I was quiet enough to hear its calming reassurances this evening. 

Everything Old is New Again

It completely baffles me when people say that the best years of their lives were in high school. Seriously?! Because if that's the case, I'm pretty sure I did it wrong.

The only reason I'm so happy here is because it's over. Of course, you can't see how much I stressed in advance by visiting the doctor for

1. A more permanent method of hair removal 

2. Medications to clear my skin

3. Heavy-duty antiperspirant for my sweat issues.

So, yeah, if given the chance to go back to an earlier point in my life, it wouldn't be adolescence. No, I'd jump much earlier to the magic, awe, and wonder of early childhood, a time when everything was interesting and entertaining. See? Apparently I even found snack foods utterly captivating.

I often think about this around the holidays. As an adult, the holidays have become about dividing time equally with our different families, "saving" money by buying gifts that are usually gathering dust by February, and constantly checking the road and weather conditions while contemplating what time is too early to break into the (heavily...seasoned) eggnog. Having a child has brought, yes, an extra level of anxiety to the planning...but it's brought an even greater, and much-needed, layer of that long-lost sense of magic, awe, and wonder.

This is the first year that Grace really grasps some of the ideas behind Christmas, and I'm rediscovering the joy myself. Take trimming the tree: the tree is her favorite tradition so far. She's taken it upon herself to turn on the twinkling lights each evening and rearrange the ornaments so they "look better." Ornaments move and break, needles fall on the floor...and it's okay.

She doesn't just love looking at the tree; rather, she revels in being near it. If her stuffed friends can join her, all the better!

It's not all about lights or presents, either. She's excited about celebrating Jesus's birthday, so she's practicing: she loves saying her prayers, methodically holding hands, saying "Dear God," and kissing Jesus after "Amen." 

The draining stress that accompanies the holidays? Still there. The desire to never relive my high school years? Really, really still there. 

But the other thing that's still there is the innocent wonder about a season dedicated to family, faith, and reflection. I may have lost the magic for a time, but Grace came along at just the right time to remind me: it's always been there, and it always will be.

My Other Man

With his blond hair, light eyes, and -- let's be honest -- perpetual bad breath, he's not my "normal" type. Still, there's just something about him that's utterly irresistible:

Some people say that a dog is "just" a pet or "just" an animal, but Cash is the one of the most joyous parts of my life. He's amazing with my daughter...

...has won over Brian, who still says he doesn't like Labs but that Cash is "okay"...

...and is the world's best cuddler.

Diamonds, while lovely, aren't this girl's best friend: my sweet puppy dog is. My best bud, my first baby, and my model for how to live and love -- not too shabby for "just" a pet who's wiggled his way into all of our hearts.

 

What I Said I'd Never Do

I cannot believe that we'll soon be celebrating our third Christmas with Grace. Three years may not seem like much in the grand scheme of things, but I can barely remember what life was like before Brian and I had our amazing little girl. Looking back on the last three years, I recall some of the things that I said, as a parent, I'd never do...

I'd never feed my child fast food.

I'd never use the television as a babysitter.

I'd never tolerate bad table manners.

I'd never let my daughter torment our pets.

There are plenty of things I said I'd never do that have become routine. Am I happy about it? No, not always. But it's all about perspective--I have stuck to my ideals on at least a few things:

I'd never let Grace feel that she is anything less than perfect just as she is, each weird...

...and wild...

...and wonderful part of her.

Nope, I'm not a perfect parent (nor do I think such a thing exists). But man, I sure am having fun learning along the way, and it seems like Grace is enjoying the ride, too...and I'd never trade that for anything.