When I Grow Up

I got an awesome email from a former student (a current senior) today thanking me and letting me know that she got into her #1 college choice...woohoo!

I've also been hit with a deluge of current and past students stopping in to get my advice on course selection for next year. We talk about goals after high school and potential college majors and just about any other possible consideration for determining the rest of their damn lives when they're only 16 or 17 years old. And while it's both flattering and frightening that they seek my input, I feel a bit like a fraud. See, while I talk through the choices with my amazing students (they are the greatest joy in my job), I come to realize: I'm still not entirely sure what I want to be when (if?) I grow up.

I really do love my job (most days). I really do love my family and friends (all of the days). But I still wonder: what more can I do, what more can I be? And I've decided...I want to be Grace, my 3-year old.

Hear me out, okay? I don't actually want to be her literally (me as a mother? *shudder*). But I want to be like her. Grace is vibrant and joyful and ready for anything life tosses her way. For instance? Sidewalk sledding. She wanted nothing more than to fly down our snow-covered walkways, nary a doubt in her mind at the authenticity of the venture.

She creates joy and excitement in the most mundane activities (despite our Lab's reluctance).

And even if it's just bopping through the living room, she knows she's a rock star every minute of every day. Yes, that is a dog-shaped guitar on which she's jamming.

My greatest accomplishment on a given day? Making myself a pseudo-homemade dinner...with extra dipping sauces...nomnomnom...

So students are planning how they'll rule the world and Grace is kicking ass on every (large or small) challenge she faces in her toddler life and I? Well, I revel in the joy of a simple dinner...or a brave & bold toddler who's yet to learn about fear...or the teenagers who don't know (but I do!) that they really will rule the world (so much better than my generation has managed). And until they do? I'll keep planning what exactly I want to do when I grow up.

Dream big, sweethearts. 😉

10 Steps to a Better Week

1. Luxuriate in a weekend blizzard, the first real snowfall of the year, with family and friends tucked safely away for a beautiful, sparkling Saturday. 

2. Survive and dig out from the weekend Snowpocalypse 2016 only to start the week with two days off from school. (Not having to work really takes the sting out of working -- who knew?!) The two-hour delay on Wednesday took some burn out of returning, too. 😉

3. Relish in the simple pleasures, such as a favorite returning TV show after winter hiatus. Even better? Knowing the show missed you almost as much as you missed it, lol. (And in all honesty, Suits is the best for Tweeting and DMing fans...such fun!)

4. Start a new semester of the school year, along with a first-time effort at teaching a Creative Writing course. Discover two days in that the students are brilliant, honest, and fully prepared to express vulnerability through their work. There are some days when I just love my job (though I love "my kids" every day).

5. Discover that a resolution to eat well can actually be delicious and filling, despite initial reservations that grass clippings had found their way into my salad.

6. Engage in a pop culture Battle of the Wits via Twitter (Battle of the Twits? Hmm...) with the very lovely, very Irish Allen O'Donoghue as he calls you a "lazy fecker." Feel internationally resplendent in the sarcasm across the oceans. Consider having a stamp made, for classroom evaluation purposes, that simply says LAZY FECKER. I've never enjoyed being so intercontinentally bested through repartee. 

7. Enter to wake your toddler early in the morning only to discover she fell asleep with a book...Open to a particular page...With a dog that looks just like the family pet. Curl into a ball and cry (after taking a picture, of course).

8. Spend a chilly evening in front of a crackling fire with family. Yep. Sometimes, it's just that simple.

9. Realize that for all the stress and anxiety of day-to-day life, sometimes there's nothing better -- or more fulfilling -- than a day of no immediate obligations filled with laughter and love. 

10. Remember that, if this week (or day or hour) wasn't so great...you have the good fortune to keep trying. Sometimes all you need is time and opportunity: take them.

Wishing you the best of weeks, or the boldest re-do on the next go-round. ❤️

Heart & Soul

I got my hair done today, a cut and color building back to my natural shade with a few fun pit stops along the way. There's just a hint of blonde added to the gray, still letting the dark roots peek through, the slightest reminder of my "normal" color.

Getting my hair done, regularly and professionally, is one of the luxuries in which I indulge. One perk is my amazing stylist, a woman who is what I want to be  when I grow up (even though she's younger than I am). We chat, as stylist and client are wont to do, often focusing on the merits and challenges of partaking in a less-than ... traditional ... appearance. Other than funky hair colors, we both love our tattoos. My most prominent ink, of course, is the large skull piece on my foot.

Besides my hair and skin (kind of significant components in regards to appearance, lol), I love quirky clothing, too. One example? My Lichtenstein-esque cardigan from (the incredible!) ModCloth. 

So what do looks have to do with anything, particularly the "Heart & Soul" to which this post refers? Well ... everything, of course. I have been fortunate enough to live a life with the daily privilege of food, clothing, and a roof over my head. I am tremendously grateful that I've never had to struggle to attain the basic necessities, yet the necessities don't immediately signify living. To do, to be, to feel, to experience ... we need more. We need joy and art and stories...and maybe then, beyond a life, we can actually live.

The Little Things

Sometimes life tosses hard knocks your way...consistently...over an extended period of time. You can either let yourself drown in the difficulties (an understandable response to life kicking your ass), or you can find joy in the little things. 

For instance?

Take 1: I went to work the other day with nothing for lunch other than a container of yogurt and about three bites of Gracie's leftover Frozen-themed chicken noodle soup. Before first period, one of my students came to my room to celebrate: "Mrs. Deibler! I did it -- I got my permit!!!" (We'd talked about it the day before.) "I made food for my Spanish class, but I brought you some since I thought you'd like it! And by the way [she whispered]...I'm not giving any to any of my other teachers!" BOOM! A sweet student, a success story, and a perfectly-timed homemade lunch. It was DELICIOUS.

Take 2: We were bombarded with over two feet of snow this past weekend. Other than stocking up on rum and making sure my Netflix account was up-to-date, I wasn't really sure how I'd spend the time stuck in the house until...BOOM...my OwlCrate arrived with a brand spankin' new book to keep me company during the blizzard. The book is FANTASTIC.

Take 3: One of the concerns with having an active, precocious child is the constant worry: am I enough? So with two days in a row of unplanned snow days to occupy a busy toddler, I had to question if I could do right by her in a pinch. Well, she's into numbers and food, so BOOM! Baking cookies...what could be better? She'd attest: not much. By the way...they are INCREDIBLE (and more importantly...we had so damn much fun!).

Truth of the matter is, life can be so tough at times, so hard just to catch a break and breathe while going about the day, pretending all is well from minute-to-minute. But for whatever reason, we don't have to pretend all the time. Because sometimes, God or life or fate (who knows) hands us some lifelines...and man, how it makes me smile when they float beside me in my times of need. 

Hang on, sweethearts...we're all in this together and, at the end of the day...no one here gets out alive...but wow, the ride is worth it. ❤️

Snow Day

As a student, I didn't think there was anything more glorious than seeing one single word in the winter: CLOSED. But I was WRONG--it is far more satisfying to see CLOSED as a teacher than as a student. Need proof? Boom!!!!

And those are only two of the many social media posts that appeared within minutes of the CLOSED announcement. Yet I continually stand by my assertion that we all do this job because we love it...

...bonus snow day giddiness notwithstanding. So why do we get so wound up? Well, we can't help it. We don't have to plan or grade or do anything related to work (unless we choose to do so which, yeah, we pretty much all do). This is the stack of grading, researching, and planning I did on the day off, and I'd bet it's a small workload compared to many others.

But in between doing my work (in a hoodie from the comfort of my sofa--always a bonus!), I was able to stop being a "teacher", if only for short bursts at a time.

We made s'mores in the fireplace...

...went to the store to peruse the trendiest winter fashions...

...and made the most of, well, the snow.

I firmly believe that the best part of teaching is the people: my students and my coworkers. That's why the other parts of the job can be so infuriating: the paperwork, the politics, the ever-changing expectations and dictates about how to do the job. So why does a snow day (or even the potential for one) make us so excited?

Because it lets us (and our kiddos) take some unplanned time to relax, to recharge, to enjoy moments for ourselves, something we so rarely get on a typical work day. We can play in the moment and enjoy the experience without the added drama--something that brought so many of us to the classroom in the first place.

Stay warm, my loves.☺️

Faking It

Have you ever stopped to think about where you are? (And not in the, "Why did I walk into this room?" way, though I do that, too.) More like, when did someone decide I could be a grown-up?

I started teaching fresh out of college. That was one time when I was acutely aware while in the moment: who on God's green earth decided I, an air-headed barely-20-something could be responsible for more than 100 teenagers throughout the course of a day?! FOOLS! Ha! Whew, scary stuff, this career business!

I got married when I was 23 (which, in hindsight...wow, that's young!).

Then I was a ripe old 29 when I welcomed my baby girl into the world.

By my 30th birthday, I had a full-time (relatively) established teaching career, a marriage, and a child. And looking around when I turned 30, I realized that I was an adult. My next thought, one I've had pretty much every day since then, was: how the hell did this happen?!!? I have a house, a family (with pets, by God!), and I even have a desk...at work...with a computer... and paperclips... and a nameplate, all kinds of adult things. Who decided I'd earned this?!

You know what else is on my desk? Various inspirational/optimistic posters/memes that I believe-- wholeheartedly--for my amazing students, for my friends, for my stunning baby girl. 

But you know who I don't believe them for? I don't believe them for me. And I feel like the world's biggest hypocrite because...I'm scared. I'm so scared to do what terrifies me, what I'm afraid to fail at, but even more afraid what I might succeed at. And man...the possibility of success, of greatness...it's damned terrifying.

Everyone fails; it's just a part of the process. But to succeed? That is something unique, something special. And if I can convince even one student to try for the exceptional? Well, maybe, just maybe...I can try for myself. Because, you know...

Whew. Isn't that a scary -- and wonderfully intoxicating  -- feeling?! I think so...and I can't wait to find out.

Forever Friend

A night with friends, without children, requires dressing up, reservations, and extensive plans. A night with best friends? Well, that's something else entirely. Consider the wardrobe (photo taken before 6pm, thankyouverymuch!):

Then, you have the evening's activities. First, sustenance:

We did have sandwich wraps, cookies, and delivered pizza, as well...those photos aren't nearly so impressive, though. Then came the entertainment portion of the evening, meant to accommodate both the stationary and the active.

Don't judge -- Kinect (even bowling) is a workout!!!

This is all typical of my date nights with my dearest friend Katie (and our husbands, too). So what makes it anything more than another night in? Well, first is the notion that she's one of the only other people I know who would plan a shot around the loss of Alan Rickman with the creation of The Slytherin Mudblood (surprisingly smooth):

It might seem minor, but not everyone appreciates the depth and joy and importance of all art, including film. Katie appreciates that beauty more than anyone I know, and it is one of many reasons I feel so at ease even if we don't see each other very often. Another reason? 

She is quite possibly the only person I would allow to post this picture of me for all the world to see.

What makes this picture special is that it was taken when we were both laughing so hard over yet another innocently, naively ditzy comment I made during a Battleship showdown. (I'd gladly share, but you really did have to be there. Just take it off the board, right, Katie?!)

And as absurdly carefree and even irresponsible as the night may seem, it wasn't. The whole point of our get-together was to be with someone who loves you, understands you, and is there for you no matter what...something you can only ask of a best friend. We all went to bed by 11pm and woke before 8am; our "date" ended with a Sunday morning breakfast out. Dutch fries...nom-nom....

And we parted ways until our next get-together, which might be next month or next year. But no matter how much time until our next time, I know Katie and I will pick up right where we always leave things: as best friends.