Past & Present - Imperfect

Today is
Today was
Today would have been 
On this day, December 8, in the year 1952, Robert F. Klett was born. It's a day that's been marked with a celebration for the last 63 years, commemorating his entrance to the world. 
On this day, December 6, in the year 2016, Robert F. Klett, is gone; he died on March 10, 2016 just before midnight. So this is the first December 8 without Bob here to celebrate.

Facebook remembers. A lot.

We've already felt his first absence from birthdays (he so would've crawled through here with her!),

trick-or-treating,

and Thanksgiving day cuddled on the couch or enjoying the brisk air.

In just a few short weeks, we'll spend our first Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day, and New Year's Eve, and New Year's Day, and a whole entire year, without Bob. It's interesting because I'm so entrenched in a time when firsts tend to be happy occasions: first smile, first tooth, first word, first steps...every brand new start with my little girl is cause for celebration. Her first celebrations, even (especially?) those in hindsight become slightly less joyful when realizing that many of her beginnings were many of Bob's endings.

 We decorated our Christmas tree the weekend after Thanksgiving, and the event of course included the traditional lugging of the boxed-up ornaments down from the attic. Many of our ornaments, and definitely our favorite ones, are those that Mom and Bob made for us less than two years ago.

And then there's the tree topper, which we didn't have because we could never find one we loved...until Grace, Mom, and Bob made us one together. Bob shaped and cut it out while the ladies decorated it. When we pulled it from the tissue paper a few weeks ago and held it out to Grace, she thought it was beautiful. She was also a bit mystified, though, because when we told her that she'd made it with Mom-mom and Pop-pop...she didn't remember crafting it with them.

 I suppose this post is my present for Bob today. It's true that he's not here to celebrate. But I think I screwed up earlier when I said he's gone; he isn't gone. He's here in the goofy pictures he took and in the gorgeous woodworks he created and in the New Jersey Bob-isms that no one else could think up (or comprehend). I know that I can't keep him as vivid forever; like all memories, and all voices, and all people, he'll soften over time. But even as the edges blur, he'll be here because we won't ever completely let him go. 

I love you, Pop-pop. ❤️

Wandering Aimlessly with a Purpose

I couldn't wait to leave high school. The reason I looked so thrilled at graduation? Because it was yet one more senseless (I thought at the time) hoop to jump through before I could move forward.

For all of the great people and experiences (and there were many) in my high school career, it never felt like a place I belonged. Peers and teachers alike weren't sure how to handle me because I've always been a bit out of the ordinary, for both better and worse.

But I got through high school, and I got through college (a place I genuinely loved and would revisit any day). What did I do from there? I went back to high school, of course.

When I became a certified secondary English teacher, through a series of fortunate events, I knew one thing above all else: my classroom would be different. It would be safe and welcoming, a place for everyone, including kids who felt like they didn't have a place at school. And at least some of the anecdotal data -- and after all, school is all a-effing-bout the data -- I'm on to something. For starters, kids outright tell me that they value the class and our time together:

Then there are the moments where we have fun learning, whether it's a silly costume for a presentation...

...or spending an unconventional class period celebrating the National Day on Writing (zoom in for their awesome reasons about #whyiwrite!).

There are also the most important moments to me, the ones where we transcend the teacher-student model and come to value one another as people. It might mean students are partaking in goofy jokes, just because it makes us laugh (and FYI, the other side says I Haz the Dumb, and it's amazing!!!).

Or it might mean my professional and personal lives collide, and my awe-struck (birth) kid gets to hang out with my lovely (classroom) kids. It's hard to beat.

And lest you think it's just me, or just me tooting my own horn, it's not. Certain coworkers have been voted Class Mom, or have students planning years ahead to be in her class as seniors, or merit a major mention in the superintendent's blog, or...how much time do you have? Because I could go on and on (and on...) about the amazing teachers and students at my school. At the end of the day, what matters most when you put us all together? Well, it's what we make, of course.