You Do You

I woke up yesterday for the first time in a long time feeling awake and well-rested...and then I got a phone call from, um, someone (an elderly female relative, perhaps). She began by expressing concern that I don't seem like me lately. It turned into a brief but potent diatribe about my hair color being okay now, and my nose stud being "tolerable...as long as you don't pierce your lip or tongue." Suddenly, before 9 in the morning, I was soul-tired, a victim of unkind & unsolicited opinions. Though it was fun to note that she must've missed the time I had my tongue pierced. Ha!

Her comments were particularly interesting (I'm being really, really polite with my word choice) since, only the day before, another person close to me shared that I seem more myself than I have in some time. It bothered me not only that people I care about were offering pretty strong sentiments about my choices, but it also bothered me that it bothered me, y'know?

Because, whether I'm acting like me or not (for the record, I am: I don't know how to be anyone else), I'm all about joy and contentment and living life. I love my hair, and I loved it from the moment I saw the first multi-hued strands.

Same with my newest piercing. A quick swipe of my bank card, a quick punch through my nose, and BOOM! Shiny new jewelry in a shiny new(to-me) place. What girl doesn't like to treat herself to a bright new bauble?

See, I have a few guidelines and beliefs about how I try to approach people and the world:

1. A person's appearance reveals very little about about who she is as a person.

2. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

3. Be there for your loved ones unconditionally.

4. You are small. The world is large. Maintain perspective. 

5. Find your happiness. The people, the places, the experiences--if it makes you happy, it's worth it.

So why, why, why was I getting so thrown by the opinions of others, even if I do love them (the people, not their opinions)? Getting upset about trivial criticism doesn't mesh with my world view, either. 

So I started contemplating the opinions that really matter, and I came up with only two: my opinion and Gracie's opinion. I want her to love, respect, and value me, so her input matters. And without knowing it, she put my mind at ease. Why? In the last few weeks, my brilliant, beautiful, and creative toddler has said the following to me:

"I want my feet colored like yours."

"I want my hair painted purple, too." 

And "When can I go in a room to get my schnoz punched? When I'm 17? 18? 19? 20?"

My daughter adores me; she's at the point where she's proud to say I'm her best friend. She's my mini-Me, a piece of my heart and soul walking around outside my body...and not only does she love me for who I truly am (whoever the hell that actually is), but she wants to be like me. True, that sentiment probably won't last forever, but that's okay. Because, see, what it means now is that Grace is happy that I'm my own person, and even better, she's happy to be her own person, too.

I'm sure you know what they say about everyone having an opinion, and it's true. Don't concern yourself with what "they" say....you'll be just fine if you do you.

 

Don't Blink

Time: it's a slippery thing. A five-minute phone call with my grandmother can last a lifetime while a three-month summer break can pass when you're looking the other direction. Consider one of the first pictures I took of Gracie and one of the most recent pictures I took of Gracie. 

They're separated by nearly four years, yet I can't account for how that much time passed so seemingly quickly. 

Then there's the month of July: July 7 marked 26 years since my dad died and today is the four-month anniversary of Bob's passing. One loss doesn't hurt any more or less than the other. Each has carved a permanent scar, and rather than fading away, each simply becomes one more lasting page in my story.

I find dealing with time to be difficult, and I find it equally challenging when people say that they don't have time because that's not really true, is it? My dad, Bob...they don't have time; it ran right out from under them. If you don't have time for someone or something, it's because you're choosing not to devote time to that person or thing.

That's your right, of course. Time is precious, one of the only gifts we can give but never really get back. Just remember that it works both ways. Don't make someone use their valuable time on waiting for a call, a visit, or any other indicator of authentic caring and respect. 

Time passes, whether we want it to or not. Most often, it passes so very quickly. Try to spend your time like your money: on that which brings you sustenance, happiness, or possibility. 

Enjoy your night...with eyes and heart wide open.