Radio Silence

As a lover of words, of language, I've recently become afflicted with one of the most deadly conditions: writer's block. My daily classroom lessons are uninspired, my (not-fit-to-be-published) blog posts are gathering dust, and the eulogy I'm supposed to be writing for Bob's memorial service is languishing in various notebooks scattered throughout the house. And for the utter silence that's befallen me, I can't ignore how very loud it is.

There's something absolutely piercing in the complete silence of the words I just can't produce. It's not for a lack in my mind, though; rather, there's a bit of a logjam of the things I so desperately want to say...but I can't. 

I've resorted to cheap and easy tactics to get the muse to put out: forced writings (never, ever good), fried foods washed down with a cold glass of water (okay, no...rum, it's always rum), 24-hour shopping binges (since I don't really sleep, "late night" is irrelevant), and absurdly loud music during my near-daily walks. All it's gotten me is stacks of lousy ideas, a few extra pounds and hangovers, a painfully depleted bank account, and a near-certainty that I'm suffering dramatic hearing loss.

It all brings me back to why I read, why I write, why I've devoted my career to teaching English to high school students who almost invariably hate the subject. The language matters; our words matter. After all, sticks and stones may break my bones...but words can hurt forever.

Perhaps it's just one way I'm processing all that's happening right now, but I'm overcome with the gravity of what we say. What I say has the chance to resonate well beyond my time on this earth, and there's a distinct pressure in that notion: What if I don't use the right words? What if I can't convey exactly what I mean? What if I hurt someone with what I say? The "what-ifs" are nearly as pressing as the silence.

Words might not mean much to everyone, but they mean everything to me...so I may as well say them now. Hope to talk with you again soon...😊