Holding On & Letting Go

Isn't it strange and unusual that nearly every relationship in our lives is an exercise in learning to love and let go? As a parent, it's my job to teach my daughter to be independent. As a daughter and sister, it's my job not to be reliant on those who are always there for me. And as a wife, a lover, I need to learn not to let another person define or complete me. Weird, huh?

So much of what we do in our lives is interconnected with our relationships with others. But at the end of the day (the year, the road, the light...), it seems that we're here to learn how to be okay alone. So it's a relief that I have just a few role models to show me the way at being exactly who you are. For instance?

My big brother has always been unashamedly exactly who he is. Whether that meant listening to "scary" music or watching pro wrestling or learning all the ins-and-outs of the comic book world, Jeremy has never hesitated to raise a glass (or a specific finger) in the direction of those who judge him. And the best part? He does it with a quirky-cool flair all his own.

Mom and Pop followed the same rules; that's to say, they didn't follow rules. Her second marriage, his third, they found each other right at their 50th spin around the sun. Though they only had ten short years together, they did it their way, traveling through Sanibel and Chincoteague with their bassets and grand babies close to their hearts. And if anyone dared to interfere with their happiness? Too bad, because they were determined to simply be happy together...so that's exactly what they were, against all judgment.

 

And I can't leave out this girlie, right? Grace is three -- a precocious yet socially awkward three -- and she seems to have a firmer grasp on her independence than I ever have. She balances traditional expectations of boy/girl toys by using water guns to clean the windows and water the flowers. She wears her decidedly uncool stretch pants low on her hips because "I just don't like them higher." And she does it all in her own time and way. She's assertive and direct and confident, all while remembering to say "please" and "thank you" as a nod of appreciation to those around her.

So I'm trying to follow those examples, to step into both the darkness and the lightness with a self-assuredness I've yet to genuinely feel. In the meantime, though? The world really is a beautiful place and, until I can learn to let go, I'm pretty happy holding on to what I have.