Darling So It Goes

So what are those things with which, when staring face-to-face with them, I can't help falling in love? As you might expect, it's really quite simple.

1. Be Kind to Animals

I judge people, I admit it. It might not be right, but I do it. Something that has a tremendous impact on my overall thoughts about a person? How do you treat animals, those who require our care but offer no tangible reward (since we can't measure little things like companionship, devotion, and unconditional love)? Kindness to animals tends to result in an overall kind heart, one I'm likely to invest in.

Glad to see my girl is starting out right. 

2. Laugh Loudly and Often

Life is stressful and painful and difficult. If we're to make it through the other side, we need to be able to laugh...loudly and often.

3. And For God's Sake, Laugh at Yourself

Because we seem to be the greatest punchline the world has to offer.

4. Value the Stories

We all have our stories to tell, but it's best to tell them in our own time and our own way. Recognize that drowning in a world of imagination -- books, movies, music, whatever -- more often tends to be the strongest lifeline to a grip on reality.

Trust in the pages people share with you, and respect the pages they keep to themselves. 

5. Accept Yourself

It's a big bad world out there, and there is no one or no thing that owes you. Treat yourself well, love who you are (scars and all), and know that the world has never seen another you. Own it.

I'm glad you're taking the time to know my heart, but I do ask: please be gentle with it, and I'll do the same with yours.

Best wishes, friends.

Going Gray

I wrote last week about finding my first gray hairs and how I was actually excited to discover them, a sign of age, experience, and wisdom. So I did what any normal woman does when she finds those earliest silver strands: I went all in.

Wait...you mean that's not how everyone reacts? Weird. 😉

But here's the thing. I kept mulling over the idea that old age IS a privilege, one denied to many. And if gray hair is an indicator of such a privilege, how could I do anything but embrace it? When I chopped off my hair weeks ago, I made the follow-up appointment for a trim and a color. Time passed, gray popped up...I considered it a sign.

I walked into the appointment today with this: 

But oh the times, they are a'changin'! It was a multi-tiered process (one I may have strategically left out when telling my husband, "The appointment might take awhile..."). 

Step One:

Sexy, right?! 😂 I have to be honest, though; I've always been oddly attached to my hair (many appointments have ended in disappointed tears), yet I felt exhilarated during this process, odd as it may have looked throughout. 

Step Two: 

BLEACH BLONDE!!! I've never had a reason to have my hair stripped, and I totally loved the end result (temporarily, anyway)! 

SIDENOTE: This was the stage when I asked my stylist/magician Melina if she watches iZombie -- she does!!! What do you say? I can be an extra, Melina can be a stylist...BOOM! You see it, right?

Step Three:

Hair is dyed, dried, and then dyed again. With flair, I might add.

After sitting and cooking, it was time to rinse. I have never before been giddy about hair color, so I loved the process! 

Melina rinsed, dried, and styled to showcase the end result (drumroll, please!):

Stunning...and no, there's not one bit of sarcasm. If you had told me that, at age 32, I'd find my first gray hairs and dye my hair to accentuate rather than hide it, I'd call you a liar, and I'd be wrong. Because I faced my fear and came out on the other side...with a beautiful hairstyle along for the ride. ❤️❤️❤️

You Spin Me 'Round

The one thing that's always been at the top of my wish list is travel. I'm woefully lacking in both world travels and experiences, and if I could, I'd close my eyes, spin a globe, and journey to whatever destination landed under my finger. But if I got to pick and choose, eyes wide open? Ooh, with all the possibilities of the entire world at my disposal, I'd first go to...

1. Europe

Yes, it's a bit of a cheat to select an entire continent, but hey, I'm dreaming aloud here...anything goes. I'd trounce through every country, reveling in the combinations of tradition and modernity, of decidedly European style with each location's unique stamp on the bigger picture. Ireland, Spain, Germany, Italy, Poland, France, Sweden, Wales...the list can (and does) go on. 

Each country, packed together as closely as my humble United States, offers different worlds and languages and customs -- beauty, variety, and the unexpected -- the possibility is intoxicating.

2. Japan

Language is my bread and butter. I crave words and ideas and communication, and visiting a place with such a vastly different language would present me with the best type of challenge: to truly see the world from another perspective. 

Besides the intricacies and beauty of the language, an island-country whose urban growth requires vertical development is a land unto itself. I see no purpose to travel if not to see that which is completely new to me.

3. Key West, Florida

And yet, for all my bravado about new experiences, I find peace in the familiar. Key West is my happy place. The breeze off the water cools the blazing sun, the Key limes saturate the pies and pancakes and drinks (oh yes, the drinks...) and life slows down, not because it's dragging its feet, but because it's okay to enjoy the beauty in each moment. Paradise.

4. Brazil (namely, Rio)

Things aren't always what they seem, which is why they need to be experienced firsthand. But if Brazil offers one iota of the color, vibrancy, and passion it appears to have, I can't imagine a place to be where I'd feel more alive. It's like adding jumper cables to the day-to-day experiences; we can all use a jolt sometimes.

5. Australia...or Canada

Hear me out -- these two countries might seem highly different from one another, and in many ways they are -- I'm drawn to the idea of a vast expanse with people and places and animals scattered intermittently in a collage of natural wonders and man-made developments. 

I adore the notion that, in either location, a few hours in one direction could take me from scenic isolation to old-world charm to the most modern cities and back again.

If you seek, you will find, and I can't wait to find the treasures hiding throughout the world...some day...I hope...

Inspiring Minds

As someone who seeks wonder in each nook and cranny of the world, I find inspiration in the people I know, the places I travel, and the moments I experience. But if I were to pinpoint a single source of inspiration, it would be stories...it's always about the stories.

I'm sure I learned to read at some point, but there's not a moment I remember in my life when I didn't have a book on hand. The ornament above was a gift from my mom years ago --- she's always known the powerful command books have over me --- and the card next to it is the invitation to Gracie's book-themed (go figure!) baby shower. I can't tell you a favorite book any more than a mother could choose her favorite child (and yes, I can choose my favorite kid, considering that I have only [the best] one, so it's not quite the same).

What I can do is share some of the most enduring, magical, wonderful, and tragic words that have become a part of my world, just one more necessary component of life. Enjoy the journey through my mind's library.

People think Stephen King is the master of horror. They're right...and they're wrong.

King knows horror, yes, because he understands the tremendous capacity of human evil, while also understanding the equally strong compulsion towards kindness, compassion, and love.

Neil Gaiman is another master of fantasy and wonder. 

If this is true of Hell, might not the same also be true of Heaven? Such possibility in so few words.

Probably the first and most long-lasting literary love of mine is Ray Bradbury.

Mr. Murphy assigned that we choose one passage from a classic text and respond analytically. As a 10th grade student, I selected Fahrenheit 451, a novel about a society that burns books to strip them (and the people) of their power. You can see the feedback I got for my paper above. It was the first time that I thought perhaps I actually had something worth saying, and it was one of the only times a particular teacher was an impetus in leading me down the path to self-discovery. Books and teaching: this experience *may* have played a part in shaping who I am today. 😉 And since I never had the foresight to say it at the time: thank you, Mr. Murphy.

Most of my favorite stories stroll through the loneliest paths at the darkest times of night. Yet I love them largely for the ray of light, however faint, that streams through their blackest depths. Kurt Vonnegut's work is an embarrassingly-recent passion, and I love balancing the sharp edge between his humor and cynicism. 

When seeking the magic of a well-told story, there is no parallel for J.K. Rowling and the entire world she's created. 

In considering the greatest inspiration in my life, I contemplated the wondrous (my daughter), the mundane (my drive to work each day), and the odd hybrids of the two (the daily work of a successful marriage). But at the end of the day, it all comes back to the stories, to the words. Because they possess the amazing power to transport us, to frighten us, to empower us, and to remind us that we're all in this together, so long as we're willing to live out the visions that dance behind our eyelids in every waking hour. 

My Pet (Peeves)

Life is beautiful, and each day is a gift...but good God-a'mighty, there can certainly be some challenges along the way. I'm pretty easy to get along with, fairly laid back, so what are some of the things that make me twitch?

1. Interrupting Me While I'm Reading or Watching a Great Story

Since I do tend to go along for the ride with most things, my favorite way to unwind is by getting lost in a great story. I require nothing more than a book or screen...and some solitude. Interrupting said-solitude will result in this face:

Not pretty! And remember: if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. If you see me caught up in a world of wonder and imagination, either join in (quietly!) or back away s-l-o-w-l-y.

2. Overinflated Anger

One of my favorite things a student ever told me was, "You don't get mad...you get serious." A number of his classmates who'd been listening nodded in solemn agreement. And I thought that was pretty great because, honestly, I see no reason to let anger grow out of control over anything, no matter how large or small.

Now, having a laugh that's loud and boisterous and obnoxious (and actually scares students more than when you're mad)? I can get behind that type of overreaction. 

3. Judge-y McJudgerson

The kid with the lip ring and baggy clothes? One of the kindest, most soft-spoken people you'll ever meet. That hairy, tattooed biker? He'll sit and play tea party with the little kids just because it makes them smile. I could go on, and on, and on...

...and that never fails to bother me. I suppose I will forever liken it to judging a book by its cover. How can you possibly know what you love -- or hate -- unless you devote some time to finding out the actual content? No matter where you go or who you meet, be aware of the story hiding behind each worn cover.

Read deeply. Watch closely. And take the time to learn...you never know when you'll step into the pages of a wonderful story if you never give the book a chance.

Wisdom on Shuffle

When I consider the best advice or most meaningful words I've heard in my life, I don't immediately think of family or friends or teachers...I think of the songs that have accompanied me through everything, the soundtrack of my life.

The first song I remember catching my attention and taking up residence in my heart is "Free Fallin'" by Tom Petty. Of the many things I've erased from my mind about my dad's viewing, this song playing softly through the funeral home, lulling me into a temporary state of peace, is one of the few things I hold onto with an iron fist. 

Not such a bad way to leave this world, is it?

From there, the herky-jerky memories of my youth leap all the way to high school, a time when fitting in jumps straight to the top of the to-do list. I was no different in that desire, yet I failed miserably. I didn't fit into the high school prototype, and I know now that I never could. At the time, though, music helped ease that realization when it seemed such a very important goal. 

Reassurance. The promise of a better future. Music, and its most powerful words, contain all the hope that a person can't manage on her own. (SIDENOTE: Seeing Everclear at the Chameleon club years later was one of the most fulfilling experiences I've had, a teenage dream realized!) 

When Brian and I were planning our wedding, a small Las Vegas affair, I was surprised he was just as adamant in his music choice as I was in mine. I walked down the aisle to him to his choice, Alan Jackson's "Remember When."

We walked down the aisle together, husband and wife, to my selection: 

We walked through the door together, and we've held on to one another since then. 

Years later, when we decided we were ready to grow our family, I got pregnant almost immediately and, at 11 weeks, discovered I'd lost the baby. And not too long after I was given a clearance of good health, we found that I was pregnant yet again...only to have more than one doctor say that timing and probability was not in our favor. From the first moment of possibility, though, I KNEW that I had my baby, my amazing little girl (seriously: I said this from the first moment) ready to join our family. Through each word of warning and each moment of discouragement, I'd leave each appointment with one song blaring on repeat. With my hand over my stomach and words of defiance in my ears, I promised my little one that I would always fight for her.

With Tom Petty singing me through another of life's journeys, I found (through no surprise to me!) the joy of becoming a mommy to my sweet girl with Brian as my partner-in-parenting-crime. 

I've always used music to guide me, and I suspect I always will. Through good and bad, it offers the greatest wisdom I could imagine. And on the most typical of days, it reminds me that I'm never, ever alone. 

Looking Ahead, Looking Back

December often marks the time of year when we reflect on how we've spent the last year and how we'd like to spend the coming year. For me, it all comes down to what makes me happy at the end of the day (or year...you know what I mean).

So as I ruminate over 2015's challenges and accomplishments, as well as my goals for 2016, here's my top-10 bring-a-smile-to-my-face, love-life list: 

10. Books.

This is just one segment of my bookshelf: it's haphazard and jammed full of old favorites, classic greats, and those that seem perpetually relegated to the To-Read list. I love my books any time, but there's something so delicious about curling up and diving into an imaginary world when the temperatures drop and the new year swoops in.

9. Movies, TV Shows, and Miracle of Netflix

This is a bit of a cheat because...see #10. And yes, I still believe a story is a story is a story, but there remains a different experience between reading or watching a story unfold. Different...but both spectacular.

8. One type of story I have yet to delve into here (until now) is of a more visual medium.....

I love my tattoos. Each one has its own story and purpose, and no matter how large or small, or how dark the subject matter, each is beautiful. For anyone else who's ever gotten a tattoo, though, you know the problem: it becomes a lovely and meaningful (and okay, fine, expensive!) addiction. Here's to 2016 being the year I next add to my canvas.

7. Lab Experiment

I never remember a time when I didn't have a Lab. I've always loved all dogs (except maybe poodles, but let's be real, they don't really count), but I've never cared to have anything other than a Lab as a pet. I have spent so much time running with, cuddling with, hugging and kissing, crying into the fur of, or playing fetch with a Lab. My sweet yellow Cash is the embodiment of why I've always said these dogs exist: they show how to give unconditional love...and who can't benefit from that?

6. Work

Weird, right? I'm human (painfully so), so I won't pretend that my job brings me glowing bliss every (or any) day. But I have a job where I get to work with brilliant, creative, compassionate, and yes, challenging young adults and attempt to see the changing world through their eyes in the context of books, films, and world events. It is extraordinarily gratifying, both intellectually and emotionally. The cherry on top? I have the BEST colleagues in the world, many of whom I've grown to love dearly and number as best friends. Not a bad way to earn a paycheck.

5. You Can Choose Your Friends 

I've never been great at making or keeping friends, especially girlfriends. So when I found an apparent kindred spirit while I was in college, I worried our friendship would be fleeting. I was wonderfully wrong. See this girl (and yes, our goofy husbands!)?

Katie is gorgeous (obviously), brilliant, hardworking, and one of the greatest friends I could ever imagine. Time and distance have no bearing on our friendship, a friendship that has become a permanent part of my story.

4. ...But Not Your Relatives

And I'm just fine with that. If given the chance to pick my family members, I'd choose the same ones I was given. Sometimes, things just work out.

3. Rum

Yep, seriously. Because as wonderful as things usually are, I still have to deal with work and family and pretending to be an adult who knows what the hell is going on around me. Every once in a while, there's nothing like an evening with a Captain to ease the sting of a rough day.

2. A Glorification of Me

I've spent a lot of time (including every moment of adolescence) questioning who I am and being unhappy with the answers I've found. I've finally reached a point where I actually quite like myself. Whether it's age, experience, perspective, a finely-tuned dark sense of humor (see #3), or any other number of factors, it's pretty cool to be happy in my own company with my own thoughts. 

1. No Surprise Here

I'm happy with myself and by myself...but some of my greatest joy in life is knowing I have others who support and love me. I chose Brian and Grace, willfully working together to make us a family, and they chose me back.

Of all the choices I've made, loving and being with them is far and away the best, and I'm so excited to see what roads we'll travel, and what stories we'll write, in our future together.